Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

Something I find absolutely frightening is that a moderate portion of people I attended high school with now attend college with are heading in the martial direction.

I am 22. I was one of the oldest people in my class and there are people younger than me or close to my age that are married, engaged, or pregnant. WTF???? When did this whole growing up thing happen to people that I know????

I just can't come to terms with the idea that some people have found their "better half" so early in life. Maybe I have been disillusioned over the past year but, I don't know if I could settle for anyone at this point in my life. There are so many places I want to see and so many things I want to do before I get tied down. Don't get me wrong being in a relationship is so seductively secure. To know that someone knows you that well, can please you, make you laugh, and be the center of your world is so EASY. That routine is so safe. I think to take care of yourself is a lot harder and more complicated. It is so much easier to make another person happy at this point in our lives. When in reality we should be making ourselves happy and discovering who WE are, we shouldn't be becoming a two person entity.

I guess, I just can't deal with safe. If I am getting married to someone it better be the "over the moon" kind of love. Not, "Oh, this guy knocked me up. It is the respectable thing to do." or "We have been together since high school and I am accustom to her/him." I know that sounds cheesy but I can't be content with mediocre. It doesn't have to be love at first sight or any kind of lovey dovey sickingly romantic but, you do have to know you can't live without that person.

I guess I am just sick of that high school concept of a relationship and am looking for something more. I don't need a friend with benefits but I don't think I am ready for a relationship right now. I don't want someone just interested in my for my body or my looks or eve my mind. I am looking for something that I won't know till it hits me. That is how relationships work. You know when you know. It's that simple.

Not really...