I bought the new Lady GaGa CD today. I know she could very easily be made fun of but I think she is pretty smart. To me she represents a giant parody of our labeled and celebrity obessed society. Anyway, her CD is enjoyable.
On a more somber note...Yesterday the guy I have been "talking" to admited to me that he didn't really have feelings for me. He was actually very plesant about it. He explained how he felt I did everything "right" and it wasn't my fault, he just didn't feel a spark. True to my fashion I wrote a very complex note via facebook explaining how I felt and how I wanted to continue our friendship. I agreed with him, I didn't really feel a spark when we were together. That statement might partially be a lie but it wasn't the feeling I get when I KNOW I want to be with someone. I think there was something there, it just wasn't strong enough. What happened next surprised me. I got a note saying that I was possibly the most understanding and sweet girl he had ever met. I double edged sword, right?
I don't know why but in situations of relationships I just am always so self sacrificing. I am incredibly sweet, it is a downfall. Even in regards to break-ups I just really want to see the other person happy. And I am more bummed about not being able to fill that void for another person then I am upset about it ending. If that makes any sense at all. I guess, I just feel life is too short to stay mad at someone because something didn't work out. I don't enjoy harboring hate it makes me moody and annoyed.
In regards of this guy too I just feel like he is misunderstood. Maybe not completely and utterly but I know of a few people who aren't his biggest fan. Granted his track record might not be pristine but I think people grow and they learn from their mistakes. He could have been a total jerk and never spoken to me again like when we were 15. But he didn't he told the truth. Which is much more then some men can do. I think I also just get people and I assume that he has dealt with people not understanding him his whole life. That is definitely not easy. I remember people not getting me or my humor growing up and I can just relate. Everytime we spent time together I got this feeling that he never stopped thinking, that in itself is a curse. If you can't turn down the noise in your mind sometimes you come across as odd. Instead of figuring out how to turn down that noise people turn to vices to find that click or that solace that is craved. Whatever it is I sincerely hope that he find someone who does get him and provides him with that spark.
I can thank him for one thing. I didn't think about Stephen when I was with him. He helped me get out of a stagnate period of my life and remember that people do find me attractive and I am a truly good person. Yes, you don't NEED someone in your life to remind you of those things but sometimes it helps remind you that you are headed in the right direction. That someone sees the hard work you strive to put in and someone just clicks with you. It's that whole us against the world feeling. I am not saying that is what I felt with him. But, that is ultimately what we are all looking for right?
Maybe I am too much of a romantic to believe in all the optimism and growth and change I see in the world. I don't mean a LOVE romantic. I mean someone who looks through rose colored glasses and see the glass half full kind of romantic. I've made it 22 years like this, I think I can make it the rest of my life.
Song of the Moment: I Just Haven't Met You Yet By: Michael Buble
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