Fingernail clippers

Why can't I be content with what I've got?

Why do I wish I was more like her? Because then maybe we would be together?

Why do I think she is better then me?

Why am I bitter and jealous that she has shared more with you then I ever will?

Why am I jealous that she has impacted your life so much and I clearly didn't even scratch the surface?

Why do I feel like she is living some romantic comedy/meaningful life story and I am the hopeless romantic watching it?

Why do I allow this to matter so much?

I will never be her. I will never share those memories or even come close to them with you.

And this sucks because you actually want to matter to someone you like. In the end we all want to go the distance because we are all secretly hopeless romantics.

Living on the border or naive and frighteningly realistic is a bitch.

Psychology tells us that growing up leads to disillusionment. You realize you really aren't that special and that things will happen to you. We as human beings suck that up and move on and become adults. I hate this. And yet I allowed myself to smile and blindly accept it all.

I am worth more than this.

Even if it is just to me.

I can't give myself away.

The one of the saddest things to come to terms with in life is that you can not recreate moments. No matter how hard you try the lighting won't be the same. The look in your partners eyes won't equal the original luster. We are living a series of unattainable unrepeatable moments. And yet we constantly try to recreate and live them all over again. It is a vicious cycle.

This is why Christmas as an adult isn't the same.

Psychology tells us we should enjoy the new memories and new moments and live in them. Until we long for the comfort of the old ones.

Living is the most fucked up thing you will ever do.