No you can't paint a picture when you're all alone.

It's been a crazy last couple of days.

I saw Phoenix live in concert in New Orleans Thursday. I can't even begin to describe how amazing that night was. Let's jsut say it ended with meeting all but 2 of the band member and getting most of their autographs and a picture with the lead singer. ^^ I promise I will type the story out when I feel like I can do it justice.

But this post is about something else.

I just wanted to get out how thankful I am that I am not where I was last year. I know I have said that in past posts and in private thought. But, I had a moment today when my mom told me she saw my ex and his new girlfriend at church together and he came up and talked to her. He talked to my mother. I'm sorry but I wouldn't have the balls to do that. But, it made me think back to how that was me last year. I went to church with him. Not for myself but for him.

It made me think about all the things I did for him and not because I "wanted" to. It made me even think back to previous relationships and how I had done the same in the past. How I had molded myself to fit the "type" the guy I was with was interested in. I am pretty sure every girl has done that at least once in their lives. It made me thankful that I wasn't faking my life right now. Back then I fell into the comfort of being timid and not enjoying life for what it is worth. I didn't even see it happen.

I am not a Stepford wife. I don't want a Catholic High man. I am 22 I find my happiness in my own spirituality that doesn't subscribe to religion. I am not happy unless things make sense to me I have to know why. Unfortunately many questions in life can't be answered. But, I strive to learn and connect all the little things in my life. I love to expound on life. I like to sweat, a lot. I feel like if I am sweating I must be doing something right. I strive for balance. I love to take pictures and write whatever comes to my mind. I dance even though I am not the best dancer on the stage. I act because I believe in the power of art. I respect art. I also respect what others have to say but I won't always agree with you. I am proud and that is large downfall of mine but at least I know one of my faults. I might look like a girly girl but I'd much rather be playing video games or rpgs. I want to learn how to fire a gun and fence. I have never been happier in the theatre department then when I was in my combat classes. This makes me want to learn all forms of combat. I want to travel all over the world. If it's with someone then that is amazing but if I have to do it on my own then I will. I am my own person and not an extension of another human being and I love that.

I've never wanted to be the ingenue. The woman I want to be is a beautiful and dangerous at the same time. Someone who can hold her own. The kind of girl you don't think is easy to figure out. Someone not afraid to fight back. My role model is a 90 something year old woman who taught me speech and English in high school. She demanded respect and wasn't afraid to laugh at the administration.

I've got some big shoes to fill.